September, giving way to October has been my favorite time of year for as long as I can remember. It’s as if the creator of the universe knew this about me when He planned my days here on earth. My very birth taking place right in the midst of Fall. Even as I type, I have the windows open as the cool fall breeze finds its way through the leaves and onto my arm. I am warming the kettle with hot water and sitting in the quietness of our humble abode all while my heart tries not to explode with gratitude. Autumn is breathing room for me.

Especially this one.

Last year as the September skies surrounded me in their beauty, I was trying not to lose myself, my joy and love of fall, as we grieved the loss of our first little babe to miscarriage. I asked the Lord several times, “Why now, why in this season? You know how much I love the beauty of fall, you created me to savor it. Why would you take that away from me? I don’t want to have the darkness of this loss ruin my favorite time of year. Why Lord?” I don’t think I will ever fully understand why, but I do know that He hasn’t left me to wallow. The only clear response I heard in my questions was this:

I know you daughter, I know you better than you know yourself, I am for you. Always.

I’ve clung to that promise. Whatever would I do without the hope of tomorrow. Without the redemption that filtrates into the many facets of my life? Today I sit here with tears welling up, not of grief and pain, but of gratitude. He knew all along, what my realities would be this September. Instead of wishing my birthday month away because of the pain it brought last year, I was able to welcome it. He has redeemed this season in my life as I feel the kicks and movement of our new little one from within. Not my story of redemption but His. I couldn’t write one this beautiful, this story has Abba’s fingerprints all over it.

I prayed days on end for this season to come, bearing with it life.

Had it not, Abba was/is still Good. He was good every month I saw a negative test result and every time I congratulated friends on their growing family while my womb stayed empty. The truth is, He is the author of all of our stories. Each of us enduring chapters and plot lines set apart for just us. Somehow He weaves all of our coming and goings together, and has penned every single word without error. He is too good and too sovereign for me to underestimate His writing abilities. He is the author, He decides how the story will go.

I know He isn’t done with me yet. His story for me is sure to have plot twists and turns when I least expect them. The pain on this earth doesn’t appear to be leaving us anytime soon but neither is He. When I have days when I worry more than pray, it only hinders me. Like so many of us, I want to know how this redemption story plays out. I want the final chapter of this book right now. I want to hold a crying baby with oxygen in his/her lungs. I want the happy hospital pictures and late night feedings. I want to see the redemption of today follow me to all of my tomorrows. But only on the days when I choose to pray and surrender more than worry, do I grow in my ability to celebrate what I can see—the redemption of today. Where the hope feels more vibrant and the unknowns a little less daunting.

I don’t know what restorative work you are waiting on today. What places in your heart feel so heavy and undone, but I do know that redemption comes from pain. There would be no such thing, unless something was broken in the first place. The beauty of the Father is that He meets us in our brokenness. He redeems in ways that only He can.

Friend, He sees you and knows you. My hope and prayer for you today, is that you would be undone at His feet. That each of us would allow Him to pick up our broken pieces, and believe that He is good in the dark places. That His redeeming power is strong enough to break through our pain and heal our hearts in ways we never imagined. What if we shifted our focus to appreciate and savor the joys of today and not worry so much about tomorrow? I think we would be a more content people. A people blessed by His love for us, instead of robbed of our joy. No matter what the world tries to tell us, we have a God who is FOR us. Let Him in to write redemptions story for you, as you lose yourself in the September skies.