“The real voyage in discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

-Marcel Proust

 

Spring is ushering itself in around here.

Less bundling and more birds these days. My heart could just sing with gratitude!

The signs of spring are always exciting but when you live in Michigan all of your life, you learn to never ever ever expect spring to come any too soon. Even now, with the sun shining and sandal wearing, I’m still hesitant to fully accept that spring might actually be here to stay.

A couple of weeks ago, in an attempt to run off the pent up energy of a sweet little 3 year old I care for, we put our jackets and rain boots on and headed out the door. We splashed through all of the melted snow puddles we came across, usually several splashes per puddle; therapy might be the best description. Nonetheless, there we were, sun shining down, eyes squinted, water splashing, giggles abounding, taking in the beauty of the day. There was nothing particularly great or hard about that Monday afternoon, except that right in the middle of embracing the joy of the moment, a calm came over me, and I sensed the Spirit whisper three words, straight into my heart.

Spring is coming. 

I don’t believe they were referring to the botanical season that we northerners all hope and pray is finally here. No, a bit more cryptic than that they settled right into the very depths of my soul. The deepest parts where only HE sees.

New perspective, fresh life is coming my daughter.

Really Lord?  Could it truly be that I am entering a new season in life? Are you saying that the waiting is over? Give me more, open my eyes. I want to know your plans. 

–Silence.–

Isn’t that how it always goes,  we receive a tiny, yet undeserved morsel of something good, and immediately want more? But instead of more, we are given SILENCE. To which my response is always, ” No problem God, that’s more than enough for me, I’m satisfied with that and never need anything more from you, contented to no end. Thanks again!” 

N O T   E V E N   C L O S E .

I’m convinced I’m merely a modern-day Israelite. With all of the questioning, complaining, and wanting my heart throws out to God. Somedays I can just picture myself amongst the chosen people of God, voicing my complaints to those closest, and maybe even gearing up to make a louder proclamation of my discontented heart. Friends, I tell you (as if its anything new) my heart is so deceitfully wicked, who can know it? oh but He knows it, and He chooses to love and pursue me even still.

I digress.

So, that was a couple of weeks ago, and I am still clinging to those three words. I can’t tell you that I have deciphered their meaning, or have a specific timeline on when exactly “spring” will be here in my life, or even what “spring” means for me, but I can tell you that I have felt the pains of growth. The beautifully hard pains of spiritual growth. The crazy thing  is that I pray for this kind of stuff. Which makes me smile as I imagine God kindly shaking his head with a smile of His own.

Draw me deeper still.

Less of me, more of You.

Lead me Lord.

Quiet my heart to hear your voice.

All things I’ve prayed over and over in my life. Now that I am actually experiencing this deeper still I’ve been praying for, I’d be wise to tune in; rather than waste all of my energy on questioning and figuring and pushing. Maybe the most imperative thing to do, is wake up to the work of the Spirit. To embrace where I am today, and live life right where I am. This particular season of waiting, will never be again in my life and I’d be foolish to miss out on the beauty set aside for such a time as this.

“Truly, the grass always appears greener on the other side”

She said it as we were cozied up on her couch with our familiar tea in hand, pillows tucked deep into our laps. My neighbor and very dear friend, life without her just wouldn’t be even close to the same. She listens, really listens to my heart and I do my very best to reciprocate the same level of gentle care. Sometimes we spill tears and burdens to one another, other times we laugh and dream with eyes full of hope. The very fact that she is trudging through this season of life with me, is testament that God knows my heart and gives such good gifts.

I walked home that night, thanking the Lord for my friend and our time, and suddenly that phrase from earlier came back again–this time with more authority. Lindsey, even though the grass appears to always be so much more on the other side-in the lives of those around you- stay the course my daughter, be joyful here in this pasture where I have you. Fix your gaze on me. I know your heart and no matter what you feel, my plans are not to harm you, I want you, your whole heart-all in. 

Why He pursues me with such love, I will never fully understand.

These days, my heart is in obvious need of truth and perspective, and I’m discovering just how precious this waiting season can be. When I am consciously counting the blessings, in a One Thousand Gifts, sort of way- it’s as if the floodgates open and the downpour of spring rain, gives way to that vibrant green underneath my feet. The beauty right here in my section of grass always ready to display its splendor, but only with eyes uncovered will I appreciate its brilliance.

I don’t want to waste this season. Even in the muck of daily surrender, when I just don’t feel like laying it all down again. When I’m feeling weary from the journey and want only to hold my expectations tight. Deep down, I don’t want to waste it, because in the waiting there is joy. Joy reserved for this part of my story alone.

“Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

– Isaiah 43:19

The truth is, no matter what becomes of my life in the seasons to follow, He wants to make a way for my heart to receive the joy of today. I’m not promised tomorrow, and although I am hopeful for a new season to arrive, if I live today with eyes only for tomorrows hopes, I will miss the new thing He wants to create in me today.

So here, in the waiting, I’m learning. Most days I am feeling the aches and pains of growth and asking for forgiveness again and again. Pushing back the lies and pulling forward the truth. Asking Him to fill me up with His goodness, joy and hope; instead of my preconceived expectations. I’ll be honest, some days are just plain hard. But because He paid it all and overcame the grave with authority, in the depths of hard, I find grace, forgiveness, steadfast love, and new mercies. I breathe deep and begin again.

Today is a great day to begin again.

If we’re honest, I think we all find ourselves peering over to the better looking pasture occasionally (or often). But what if  today we choose thankfulness over disapproval, contentment over misery and joy over mourning. Let’s fix our eyes on the Giver of life and live in the abundance given to each of us today. Whatever this spring season looks like for you, I’m convinced that you too will find that the joy of today is worth discovering.

And together our hearts might proclaim, You are enough Lord.