“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain…” 1 Cor. 15:10

Last week at this time, I was soaking up the last few hours of the Allume conference, anticipating the final breakout session I was to attend. I would dare say this gathering of women isn’t your typical conference. This was my second year back to Allume and it was truly a sacred place. The team of women who pray over and put this entire conference on each year, are saints in my book. They have such a beautiful vision of equipping this generation of women, to be better people of influence. Whatever the platform, they work hard at cultivating a space for each of us to come, and be. We are together, for a few short days of learning and growing, each of us uniquely different and yet inherently the same. It is beautiful on so many levels, but namely to me because in this space we unite our voices together to praise our KING most High. He has given each of us our own individual voices in writing, and we exercise those voices every other week of the year, but for a few days, we are over 400 woman of the Lord, gathered together to learn and grow, but ultimately to praise His name, and together proclaim His Majesty. We are woman of influence yes, but only because of the greatest Influencer of all, our Savior, Christ.

Beautiful, indeed.  

It amazes me how much life takes place between Saturday’s. One day you are in another state where time stands still outside of the conference scene and then the next day you are home, doing laundry and trying to catch up on life, all while gearing yourself up for a new work week. A complex of sorts and never one that I am able to navigate seamlessly, which is why I was really trying to savor and rest in the calm of this final conference session…

As I sat around a table with a small group of  beautiful women, a blank canvas, paints and a paintbrush, my heart was struggling to find its rhythm again. For the next little bit I would be given the space to create something, anything, onto this blank canvas. For whatever reason I had been gearing up in my mind and heart for this very gathering. I struggle with the tension of wanting to give my best while enjoying myself, and functioning out of a place of fear and insecurity. I was looking forward to this creative session, but not without this lingering fear of failure.

It was now time to pick up that brush and as I did, the song we had been singing all weekend surfaced again. “…I’m no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God…” In that moment I knew that I had to make a choice. I could either succumb to my fears again, or I could release them and cling to the truths in that song. So with a deep breath and thankful spirit, I picked up that paintbrush, as my heart whispered “I give my fear of failure in these next few moments to you LORD, you are greater than my fears (silly and all). You know me, and you didn’t put this creative gene in me, only for it to be stomped all over. No, you desire for me to use my gifts for your glory…”

You may be reading this and wondering why a silly painting session should cause this much anguish within my spirit. To be completely honest with you, I was really beginning to wonder the same thing. I wanted to simply push away all of the voices stirring that day and just say, “Get over yourself Lindsey, dip that paint brush in the paint, spread it around on the canvas and be done already. ” 

But, the thing is, when I consciously had to make the choice to say no to fear, I wasn’t just saying no to the silly fear of a messed up painting, I was saying no to the voice of destruction. I was saying no to worrying about my efforts being acceptable to my peers. I was saying no to suppressing the unique creativity that God has given to me alone. I was also saying yes. I was saying yes to finding my value in Him. I was saying yes to being inspired freely with nothing holding me back.

I was saying yes to my Savior and no to my pride.

I couldn’t even tell you the number of times this week that I have sat down to write this very post, but after the better part of an hour spent and only a handful of disjointed paragraphs, I would walk away feeling discouraged. Again the fear of failure crept in, and yet again I had a choice to make. Face this fear knowing He is with me and has the power to speak through my words, or bow down to my fears and let them overtake me. I wanted so badly to share my conference take aways while they were ripe with freshness, that I didn’t even realize my thoughts were still in the ripening process. Heart work doesn’t stop after the last session of a conference is over, it is then that the changes really begin.

I’ve come to realize that sometimes the space between Saturday’s can offer up the room you need to process. 

Today I sat down with a completely different perspective. It really is curious to me how 7 days of processing can produce so much more clarity than 2, 4 or 6 days. Instead of trying to cram in every single note taken or thought contrived from my time away last week, it occurred  to me that the Spirit might just want to speak directly to your heart, without my cookie-cutter thought process getting in the way. So that is just exactly how I feel led to leave this post for today. At the end I will leave you with the link to the Allume website, where they have so graciously downloaded all of the keynote sessions from the conference. If you feel led, would you spend some time soaking in the life-giving words that the Spirit empowered each woman to share? I have a feeling that the words spoken last weekend weren’t just for me or the women in attendance, but that they might just be for you too.

The painting that I began last Saturday wasn’t finished until I sat down again on Sunday, but for the first time since I can remember I felt proud of the finished product. Not because I was overly confident in my ability to produce amazing work, or because it was a masterpiece valued at millions. Instead I walked down the stairs to share it with my husband in confidence because I knew that this piece of art had not been created out of a spirit of fear, but of freedom. I share this with you, to encourage you. Whatever it is in your life that holds you back in your desire to live loved and in complete freedom. Won’t you lay it down at the Savior’s feet asking Him to release you? He doesn’t grow weary of our asking, He simply doesn’t. If you are indeed His child, it is his joy to walk you into a new day, a new moment, a new lifestyle of freedom. Unashamed freedom.

 

Before you go, I want to leave you with these few thoughts. A blessing of sorts. I hope they bless you in a deep way, a way that exalts our Savior’s name alone!

Friend and sister in Christ,

God delights to pour His grace over you and breathe fresh inspiration into your being, He sees you when no one else does, and He calls you beloved and beautiful. Your strengths were hand picked just for you, and when you choose to use your sacred gifts full force for His glory, oh what a beautiful collision of heaven and earth ensues! May you begin this week, inspired by your creator and the creation that surrounds you, stopping often to celebrate the breaths you have for today and prayerful for the unknowns of tomorrow. For by the grace of God you are who you are, for His grace was never meant to be in vain.

So much love for you!

Lindsey Joy

*Click Here for the Allume Keynote Sessions*